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  • Austin Hamblin


I really want to write about our honeymoon so I can recall these memories long after I’ve forgotten them (so romantic I know). We didn’t go right away after the wedding we went about two weeks after because of my ability to get time off of work. I actually worked 49 hours the week after. We went to Minneapolis (technically Bloomington). We headed up early Friday stopped on the way almost right away to get Kayla some McDonalds since she didn’t eat before we left. I was kind of mad about having to stop like 20 minutes in. They hadn’t switched over to lunch yet and she wanted two cheeseburgers. They begrudgingly made the burgers and we joke that they had probably spit in her food. We also stopped at a Cabelas to look around at the stuffed animals and fish as well as at a Russel Stovers store. We got ice cream from Russell Stovers and it was way good. She got vanilla and Strawberry and I got black cherry. We got gas and headed north. We got to the hotel dropped our stuff off and I took a giant shit. The hotel had a shuttle to the Mall of America so we hopped on over and went shopping. They had these cool photo op giant NFL helmets from Pepsi right inside the entrance and a Spongebob statue outside (which we took a picture in front of). A few things we bought where: Youngbucks funko, Nirvana/other iron on patches, some legit chocolate, clothes, some My Hero Academia figures from a gatcha machine inside of GameStop, a Punkaboo Pokémon plushie, the first volume of Murder Falcon, the new Heavy Metal, etc. We ate at Burger King inside the mall and tried on of their tacos. It was actually good. Tasted like a large mini taco you’d get from the freezer section. Very crunchy like it had been deep fried. I wanted Panda Express, but the line was way to long. Afterwords I really had to pee and struggled to find a bathroom. I almost pissed myself true story. Some football players from some college where in the food court at the same time we where some dude went up to them talking shit and telling them they sucked..Makes no sense to me since they were three giant ass dudes.. We roamed around the Nickelodeon theme park inside the mall. They had some cool rides and statues. I took a picture with a giant rocksteady from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I thought the gift shop would be cool, but honestly it sucked. The next morning we got breakfast at the hotel. It wasn’t like the regular bum type hotel breakfast we were used to. This was fancy made to order food while I loved, but Kayla wasn’t a fan of. We started the day by playing mini golf. Holy shit is Kayla garbage at mini golf. She almost took out other people with her ball a few times. We then went to the aquarium mind you all of this is in the Mall. It’s on of those aquariums where it is all over the top of you like your inside the water. Kayla paid to feed the stingrays. I mean what kind of scam is that people pay to feed something. I need a money scheme like this. They had a “mermaid” swimming in the water which they acted like she was real. This is odd because they are trying to teach about sea life, and keeping the ocean clean and boom here is a fucking mermaid who is “real”. We then went to the crayola experience. We got to name a crayon which it printed out and we got to put on our crayons. I did a purple crayon names purple nurple, while Kayla did an orange crayon named sad. We also got to make coloring pages, some clay art, I mean it was basically for kids. We were the only adults who didn’t have kids, but it was fun. We got a blank animal figure to decorate with crayons and markers. They had a giant play place for kids and this kid broke his fucking tooth. He was screaming in pain and bleeding tons. We also got to do some drip art. While the crayons heated up and dropped we controlled the speed at which the paper circle spun around. We plan on hanging them up in the house they are really cool. We headed back to the hotel after that and I took a nap while Kayla played on her phone. For supper we went to Dave and Busters. We had never been before and Kayla had been wanting to go to one. For those who have never been it’s basically a kind of Chuck E Cheese oriented towards adults as well as children. Our food wasn’t great Kayla actually ended up switching some food with me since she didn’t like her burger. I got some sliders and chicken strips. We headed to the arcade and played. They do everything on a card. It keeps track of the chips (what you use as your currency to play games) as well as the tickets you accumulate from playing games. This was tons of fun. They also had this kind of ride deal. It played a movie while you laid in this chair. It would rock and move along and also had some strong fans to make wind. We watched two movies one was a dinosaur chase and the other was a Wild West mining cart thing. It was cool as shit. Sunday I basically slept. We got breakfast and I hopped back into bed. I was pooped. Finally in the afternoon I awoke and got ready. We had tickets to a comedy club in the mall called the House of Laughs. The headliner was Jimmy Schubert. We had the seats right up front so I got picked on. I don’t want to give away his act, but while referring to me he said “Look at this guy he looks like he combed his hair with a fucking brick.” Jokes on him I never comb my hair. Kayla drank like three mixed drinks and I had two beers. Which is probably the most we have ever drank. Light weights or responsible adults? Before I get we had three Uber drivers one from Ethiopia, another from Jamaica, and finally a Minnesota native. Monday Kayla was fucking ready to go home so we hit the road. We went to Denny’s for some food since the hotel breakfast was “too fancy”. We had on stop planned for the way home the Spam museum. Yeah you read that correctly. Not only is there a spam museum, but it’s fucking free. It was super interesting showing how spam was made and things people made with it around the world. It’s a big deal in Hawaii. We hit up the gift shop and bought some spam. Neither of us had ever tried it before. Way to salty for my taste, but it has its advantages since it doesn’t have to be frozen and is ready to eat. I would rather have ham. After Spam we went to this little book store and headed home. I came home to a nap and Kayla played on her phone.

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